Love

Kindness in words creates confidence,
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness,
Kindness in giving creates love....Lao-Tsu.

Ode to the Nice Guys

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

Thank you for the "thankless work"

Had an opportunity to attend a conference today, someone during the "discussion" session expressed his family situation by saying that "he is the only one who works in his family". I am sure this sentence was spoken with all the required good intentions; however, it dawned on me that the primary bread winning is considered priority work while everything else falls somewhere behind. In other words, anything that brings "paycheque" is work. Is it really the case?

Ever since I became conscious enough to hold memories, I observed my mother. Like every other mother she is a very kind women. She would get up early in the morning, prepare breakfast, very gently wake me up and put up with my cranky behavior. I was showered everyday, uniform was ironed (yes, I was required to wear a uniform in my elementary school), school bag was prepared, lunch was packed and countless other things were done. The whole drill was repeated five times every morning from Saturday-Thursday (Friday was the only day off from school) because I have four other siblings. For all this work, she never received any paycheque, not even a "thank you¨; instead, we were always complaining about things that were poorly done for us or not done for us. She hardly answered any of our criticism and just went on with the work. Shouldn't we consider all these tasks as priority work?

I am sure there are lots of other jobs and things we do for which we are not rewarded with any paycheque, not even a "thank you" yet we continue. Sometimes we volunteer while other times we are the designated volunteers. It requires a lot of moral courage in our egocentric society to put our ego aside and do something for the sake of others. I want to thank the people who perform a ton of chores without compensation. All those acts, lubricates the machinery of life, assisting it to run smoothly. Thank you.

One Israeli Civilian Died

While watching news about the Israel's massacre of Palestinians in Gaza, I turned to CTV news net. The headline "One Israeli Civilian Died" was not a surprise rather a reminder about the "subhumanization" of Palestinian lives by the governments and media. The death of two hundred Palestinians by Israeli bombs on the same day was not deemed sufficient by CTV to even make a headline. To add insult to the injury, the newscaster interviewed an "expert" from Begin-Sadat Center for Strategic Studies who of course supported Israel by saying that Israel do not really want to do what it is doing, it is being forced by Hamas; therefore Israel is innocent. A "well balanced" news coverage indeed. Shame on CTV newsnet for being biased against the oppressed, I protest against this by boycotting the CTV.

It is important to note one innocent death is one too many; however, innocents deaths on both sides should be treated equally, unlike CTV's unbalanced, unfair, and inhumane coverage.